The craziest thing I have experienced is just living in the world right now. Global lockdowns turned most of our planet into ghost towns with billions of people on house arrest for a virus that has an incredibly high survival rate. When the compliant were allowed out of their homes, they were all wearing masks. If it was a different mask, I would be expecting people to wander around aimlessly asking people, “Are you my Mummy? Mummy! Mummy!” Let’s see how many of you get the Doctor Who reference.
What’s also crazy is all the new things I have learned this year: I’ve learned that if you go a certain way down a grocery aisle, a virus is more likely to leave you alone. But if you go down the aisle the opposite way, you’re asking for it. I’ve learned that the only safe way to go through a grocery store checkout during a pandemic is if there is a divider between the customer and cashier, even though the cashier is going to be putting their hands all over your stuff and then handing it back to you. I’ve learned that if you are six feet and one inch away from someone, you are safe. But if you are six feet or closer, it’s practically a death sentence (at least in America because the distances are different in other countries). I’ve also learned that even if you are more than six feet away from someone, you still need to wear your idol — I mean, your mask. In fact, even if you are in a car by yourself, I’ve learned that some people still expect you to wear a mask, even though that makes about as much sense as a single person wearing a condom to bed by themselves. I’ve learned that if you enter a restaurant, a virus can infect you at any time you are standing and in motion. Thus, masks are necessary. But once you get to a table that has been designated and marked as safe, the virus cannot get to you and you can remove your protective shield. Maybe if everyone crawled around so they could stay at a low level like when they are seated at a table, we would all be safe. I’ve learned that gathering in churches isn’t safe, but gathering to form violent, property-destroying, domestic insurrectionist mobs is as safe as a baby in a mother’s womb as long as she isn’t on Planned Parenthood property. I’ve learned that it’s not safe for sports fans to gather in stadiums, but it is okay for athletes to sweat all over each other and bump into each other. I’ve learned that even though all those same athletes have to get tested and approved to play in a sporting contest, they still need to wear masks on the sidelines and social distance or they’re putting each other at risk. Speaking of putting people at risk, I’ve learned that traditional holiday gatherings like Thanksgiving and Christmas are unsafe and should be limited and restricted at best or altogether canceled at worst. I’ve learned that everything we knew about viruses before 2020 is no longer relevant in 2020 and cannot be factored into public policy or treatment. I’ve learned that if you send elderly sick people to New York nursing homes so they can infect other elderly people causing massive death on such a level that you have to fudge the numbers to hide it, you are a pandemic hero who deserves awards and accolades. But if you cut needless government red tape and deregulate in an attempt to get an effective vaccine as quickly as possible to as many people as possible, you are a selfish pandemic villain who hates everyone. You also fall into this category of a hater of humanity if you point any of this out.
More crazy things I have experienced in 2020 are that a vote is a vote unless it’s for the wrong candidate. And then it might still be a vote, but only depending on how many votes are needed in a particular county or city. I’ve learned that dead people can still vote in mass numbers. I’ve learned that most dead people are Democrats even if they weren’t while they were alive. I’ve learned that it’s possible to have more votes in a place than registered voters in that area or even people that live there. I’ve learned that pointing out abnormal statistics like this makes you a dangerous conspiracy theorist spreading misinformation that undermines the fabric of democracy even though the people making those accusations now did that very thing for the last four years.
I’ve learned that:
Everything is racist
Every thought we have is a KKK dream.
Everything is racist
White supremacist extreme
Thank you Stu Burguiere and Stu Does America for that little song that still gets stuck in my head whenever I hear it.
The craziness continues in that I have had it confirmed what I have long suspected. Free speech is free speech unless it offends daily-changing standards of political correctness. I have learned that if you have violated these rules of social etiquette, you are worthy of being canceled from as much of society as possible and marginalized. Furthermore, I have learned that even if you violated these rules in the past, years and even decades before they went into effect, you are just as guilty as some hateful bigot who violates them in the present day. I learned that courts don’t matter, elections don’t matter, laws don’t matter, blue lives don’t matter, baby lives don’t matter, all lives don’t matter unless they have been approved by the self-appointed social media Woke Council and their independent fact-checkers. In a related point, I have learned that the Bill of Rights was canceled in March.
Finally, I’ve learned that everyone seems to feel better by making themselves think that is only a 2020 phenomenon. It’s as if the events taking place this year haven’t been made possible by the self-inflicted slow destruction of Judeo-Christian civilization that started a long time ago but has progressed at a rapid pace. But it’s okay everyone because everything will magically get better when we flip the last page on the calendar for 2020 and it becomes 2021. Then all will go back to “normal” and we will all live happily ever after.